It is much easier to approach your experience with curiousity and a sense of discovery. It is less helpful to reject yourself for certain inner struggles and get trapped in comparison or ideas about what is the standard way to be and behave. This in itself can lead to a lot of suffering and wanting to fix your experience, as if it isn't complete and perfect the way it is. It is much easier to pay attention to what is actually happening to you.Read More
Mindfulness is not something complicated. It is an intrinsic quality of the innate awareness we are. We loose the ability to be mindful when we identify with structures, ideas from the past, and habits that form our sense of self. We alienate ourselves from a basic sense of being, a simplicity of being that goes beyond the habituated fixated self we normally identify with or believe we are.
Everyday is an opportunity to be more mindful. Often there are many distractions, or our attention gets scattered, or we think we just need to get this one more thing done before we can allow ourselves to pay attention to ourselves and let go.
In our ordinary state of awareness any simple moment can be a doorway back to return to ourselves. Every time we do pay attention to ourselves in a simple, uncomplicated way, it has an accumulative effect and can help us learn to be more free from our tendencies and not get caught up in stressful experiences rushing towards certain outcomes.
"Mindfulness is an openness to the moment, paying attention to what is happening, simply, without adding anything to the moment, and without judgment and with full attention."
It is the ability of the mind to remain focused and to be still and calm without interfering with the momentary experience.
Some tips to be more mindful:
1. Bring awareness to your body, sensations and breath.
Mindfulness is about returning to yourself. It is bringing the scattered awareness back into the moment and returning to the center of yourself. It is helpful to become aware of your breathing and to make contact with yourself.
2. Learn about your stress patterns and habitual tendencies.
All of us have different habits. How we relate to a situation is influenced by our beliefs, emotional states, and resourcefulness. Mindfulness helps us to be present and grounded in the moment. It will help us to make choices based on our inner wisdom rather than on emotional states that will impact us and have consequences for people around us and our action in the moment.
3. Pay attention and appreciate simple everyday activities.
Perhaps you have heard the saying "How you do anything is how you do everything". How we engage in simple everyday activities says a lot about how we relate to ourselves and the world around us. Appreciating the simple act of walking, drinking tea, or washing the dishes can be a doorway into the wonder of your own being.
4. Get absorbed in a simple task.
When you don't interfere with your experience, and you become very mindful, the experience of a separation of the one that is mindful and the object of mindfulness disappears. There is only the moment and the absorption of yourself in it. It happens sometimes when we are engaged in something deeply, and the perception of time disappears.
5. Prioritize and avoid distractions.
If we clarify our values it will help to prioritize our most essential action items, and how to stay aligned to what is important throughout the day. Mindful living is about finding ways to recognize our 'energy zappers' and to discern and cut through distraction.
6. Learn about your internal commentary.
With a constant chatter in our mind, it is very challenging to get in touch with a calm, settled attention focus in the present moment. It is important to work with our inner critic so that we can return to a state of allowing and innate relaxation.
I have been helping hundreds of people setting goals, being accountable and letting go of limiting belief structures. In my work with people I always have listened to the four conditions of how to set well-formed goals, which specifically reveals itself when I ask the question "What do you want?". That question really forms the basis of any conversation, along with the exploration what is present for you in this moment.
What is interesting is that most times, we will not be able to set a goal that meets all four criteria of a well-formed goal, which then invites an exploration of how we can allow ourselves to move beyond limiting structures within ourselves.
To read more about limitations connected to our vision you can read the post here.
What is particularly important is that each well-formed condition relates to a specific obstacle or inner constellation of beliefs and structures that can prevent us from accomplishing our goals.
What are the 4 conditions of goal setting
1. State your goal in the positive.
Often times, our mind habit is accustomed to focusing on what we don't want. That means we move away from what we want to avoid instead of focusing directly on what we want.
Transformative pointer: work on issues related to vitality and energy.
2. Set one specific goal and your goal needs to be self-maintained.
When we don't set one goal at a time we can get entangled in inner conflict and it will limit our ability to take the first step. So setting one specific goal at a time is important. Furthermore, a tendency I have observed several times, is for people to set goals that rely on others in the form of: "I want more appreciation from my team..." or a variation of this.
A self-maintained goal would turn this back to you as the source or the cause rather than being dependent on someone else's to fulfill it.
Transformative pointer: connect to your inner guidance on what specific goal is important.
3. Your goals need to be process oriented.
It helps to have a specific behaviour for the goal. It is more important to focus on the process than the end result. The more you focus on the process the more you will experience joy and not skip over the process of living to get to the result. For example...instead of "I want to have better communication with my co-worker..." you might say "I want to calmly communicate what is important to me...". Perhaps play with using verbs instead of nouns when setting goals.
Transformative pointer: focus on the joy of the process.
4. Set a specific time frame.
A common tendency I have observed is to forget to set a time frame. Or to just simply leave a goal vague without a specific end date. This is usually a way to avoid failure or keep the inner critic out of the way. It is important to set a time frame, so that you know when you have accomplished the goal.
Transformative pointer: allow yourself to feel celebration and contentment for your achievement.
I invite you to consider these four conditions next time you set a goal for yourself. I am available for sessions and can be contacted here.
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- June 27th 4 Fixations To Limit Your Goal Setting (And How To Transform Them…)
- May 30th 6 Coaching Tools To Inspire Your Day
- May 16th 30 Quotes On The Loving Heart
- April 27th The Mandala Principle
Please subscribe to the blog rss or e-mail. There are so many things to be thankful for every day. Most of the time, we forget how many things we can appreciate and be grateful for. It is important to remember that it is the ordinary moments that deserve special attention, and acknowledgment.
It is not necessary to reserve celebration for special events, it is possible to celebrate your life ongoingly and be in touch with the ordinary specialness of each day.
So here are 8 reasons to celebrate your life and be grateful for what is available to you at this time.
1. Celebrating your life increases abundance and flow
Just focusing your attention on appreciating and being grateful is a great way to overcome obstacles and challenges. The saying goes 'what we resist persists', and it applies equally here, what we appreciate grows and begins to thrive.
2. It allows you to focus on what you have rather than lack and what's missing
Celebrating the little meaningful moments and things around you is very helpful. Being aware of what you already have in your life will bring awareness to the fullness of what is available to you already, instead of focusing on lack and the belief you need more to be happy or fulfilled.
3. It brings more joy and gratitude into your life
The energy of appreciation will create more ease and joy, and you will be able to recognize more easily how much blessing is available amidst even difficulties or great challenges.
4. Appreciation of what is increases opportunities
Staying with what is, and noticing what you are grateful for now, helps you become aware of what you can do and what the next step will be. It lifts you towards a higher vibrational field, overcoming blame and comparison and finding a way towards greater opportunities.
5. You feel less separate and more in synch with the universe
Celebration increases your connection with yourself and others, and it helps you to be in touch with the underlying goodness of life. Regardless of life circumstances, there is a way to turn your attention towards lightness and ease by focusing on what you are grateful for.
6. You feel less centered on what isn't working and give more energy to life's infinite possibilities
It is easier to find solutions, and focus on what is working when you are available for what is there for you. The field of infinite possibilities is co-emergent with this moment, so thankfulness will open up potential and creativity.
7. When you appreciate your life, the energy of appreciation returns to you
Whenever we appreciate something we have, something we discover, or the people around us, this energy of appreciation returns to us. Whatever we give out, will be received by us because it creates a field that allows for the energy of gratefulness beyond an individual boundary.
8. Celebration enhances your well-being
Lastly, focusing on appreciation and gratitude, instead of on lack and criticism, will enhance well-being on many levels. It helps decrease stress and the pressure of having to have it all figured out, and allows us to participate in the dance of the universe manifesting its many facets.
You can also browse the timeline if you wish to read previous posts.
If you have read articles on this blog previously you may have read the post A Strategy To Get Unstuck.
In this post I wanted to focus more on principles to get you unstuck.
Stuckness is a common experience for many people. We get stuck around emotional patterns, behaviour, or habits and views. Often we end up resisting change or find it difficult to implement the changes we believe would be helpful to our situation.
We may feel stuck when
- We don't make progress in a certain are in our life.
- We feel like we are repeating the same patterns over and over again.
- We don't know what direction to take.
- We don't know about what we value.
Stuckness is absence of movement, creativity, and flow. The dynamism of life is limited and we feel out of touch with possibilities and inner resources.
Often times, we don't know how to pay attention to ourselves, or what to pay attention to, to move into a different state or transform our limitation.
It is necessary to learn that we can let ourselves be and notice what wants to emerge and teach us the next step.
We get stuck in our various preferences and attachments about what we want, not allowing new possibilities to flow in.
1. Every difficulty or issue is a doorway.
What we lose touch with often is the inevitable dynamism of life along with the trust that change is possible. It is easy to get wrapped up in wanting to get rid of, or solving an issue, without ever recognizing that it is the entryway towards greater clarity and expansion. Not only that, being in touch with what is really truly going on for us, not rejecting it, and being open to the unique learnings, will unravel the inner gifts.
2. Allow your experience. Hands off.
Rejection, judgement and insensitivity towards ourselves, will close down our experience. We cannot truly get past any issue by trying to bypass it, get rid of it, or simply trying to pretend it isn't happening. We need to really be open and take the time to explore what is really going on for us.
There is no miraculous way that will suddenly dissolve all our concerns, but if we let ourselves feel the impact of our conditioning, we can find a new center amidst the various waves of life's challenges.
Being open means letting yourself have your experience without constantly interfering with how it's unfolding. Be kind and holding to yourself without needing the experience to change. It will bring flow, and natural spontaneous insight can arise about what your situation is about.
3. Letting go.
Usually we get stuck when we do not let go; we expect things to go the way we want them to without leaving space for new options. It is important to let go of identifications, beliefs and expectations once you see them for what they are, and move beyond a certain outcome or fixed assumptions. This often means embracing paradox or opposite states, without staying in a certain push-pull that keeps us going in circles. It requires a love for the truth and honesty to let go and a discovery that who we are is beyond stuckness.
What is your experience around getting unstuck? Did you find this post helpful? Feel free to share it.
Check out the latest Course. What are some ways to communicate effectively? The word communication comes from the Latin word 'communicare' meaning 'to share'. Communication is the process whereby people share information and ideas and become aware of each other's viewpoint.
Communication requires a 'sender' or 'cause' that starts the communication, as well as a 'receiver' or 'effect' that receives the communication. When we communicate we often communicate verbally and nonverbally.
Tone Tempo Volume
Gestures Posture Facial expression Breathing
Some people say that we cannot not communicate, and that we are always in communication with our surrounding environment. Communication effectiveness determines how successfully we can navigate life and its many challenges.
The less flexible we are communicating, the more challenges we encounter and the fewer results we get with the people we communicate with in our work relationships or at home. Communication is the key to fulfilled relationships, effective work strategies, and a balanced lifestyle.
Communication works through intention and attention.
- Knowing why you initiate the communication
- Being clear on the outcome of your communication
- Consciously setting an intention rather than reacting from old belief structures
- Being aware of your own inner state or emotions
- Making sure the other person is attentive to your communication
- Paying attention to the state of the other person
There are some communication skills that can help you increase your communication
1. Establishing Rapport
Rapport is a fundamental element to an effective communication. Rapport is defined as a relationship based on mutual trust and respect. In establishing rapport choose to focus on similarities, as this helps to create harmony and greater cooperation and alignment in the communication.
2. State Changes & Information Gathering
Effective communication requires your ability to use your senses to gather information and to detect state changes and shifts in the other person. You can become skilled in noticing changes in facial expression, breathing, or other nonverbal cues like voice tone, and this will help you become more attuned to the needs of the specific communication. The skill of noticing state changes and recognizing if a person is receptive or resisting the communication can make all the difference in communicating well and acknowledging and respecting what the other person is communicating on several levels.
3. Mindful Listening
A valuable skill to develop is the ability to listen without judgment and mindfully to another person's views, experiences, and ideas. It truly helps to open the communication and to listen deeply to the many gifts another person can share in a communication. Listening mindfully means listening with "our cup empty", meaning we allow space to the other person, without imposing all our judgments and previous experiences on the communication. It is a commitment to honouring and valuing someone else with appreciation for their unique view and learnings.
Learning to be present in your communication is an essential way to improve your communication. Stay present to the other person, and avoid multitasking while speaking with someone. It is important to honour the space and moment, and let go of whatever you are doing at the moment to hear the person. The less present you are the more you miss the ability to establish rapport, notice changes and listen fully. Being present is also helping you to be focused and avoid misunderstandings and interpretations of what the other person might have said or didn't say.
What are some ways you found helpful in communicating effectively with someone?
Human Development and Communication Course
Live, Interactive WebClasses with Nicole Koch
I am feeling very happy to announce that I will be offering a series of live Webinars on communication and human development coming in the fall. The course will offer you 16 Webinars, and they are available in 4 segments. You can choose to participate in a segment or attend all 16 classes.
Here are the 4 core classes:
Course 1: Communication and Contribution
Course 2: Intention and Alignment
Course 3: Core Values
Course 4: Triggers and Habits
To register e-mail me at nicole[at]mandalamind[dot]org. I would be happy if you could pass this on to people who might be interested and check out Courses to learn more.
Learn more about the Human Development and Communication Course.
Thank you for your help and support.